While sitting in my room listening to Sigur Ros, a magnificent thing happened. A heavy burden was lifted. I realized that it stopped being about him a long time ago, and it's really just been something for me to hold onto. An excuse. But let me rewind a little bit.
Yesterday in English we watched a movie. It was made a little while back, and it's called Finding Forrester, with Sean Connery starring as William Forrester. During the movie, my teacher paused it and gave us this whole spiel about how writers never sit down and say, "This is what I'm going to write about." She said they sit down and write from their heart. She then told us to write for five minutes from our heart; thinking about it comes after. So, we began to write. What was on my heart? Well, pretty much the only thing that's ever been on my mind day after day. I started to write about him, about how I was feeling. I was honest, and I spilled my heart onto the lined piece of paper.
"Now switch to dialogue," she said. "Have a conversation with yourself. Argue, be honest, do whatever you need to. Just write dialogue." I knew exactly what to say to myself. Things that had been weighing on my heart, my insecurities about everything, went onto my paper. I said to be honest with myself. I needed to stop hiding my feelings from myself and others.
When the bell was about to ring, my teacher said that we could turn our papers in if we wanted to. I turned mine in. I was scared half to death, but I knew I needed to do it. I needed to share my heart with someone else. Someone who knew nothing about what was going on in my life.
So here I am now, sitting in my bedroom, wondering about what my teacher will think as she reads my paper. But the best part is, I don't care if she thinks it's awful, or wonderful (the only writing assignment that's ever happened with); all I care about is that I was able to share a piece of my heart with her. But more importantly, I've realized that it's time to break free. It's time to let go of what's been such a hindrance on me being alive, and it's time to start living life. A fulfilling, burden-free life.
