"Surrender, Surrender," you whisper gently.

I am a huge control freak, and it seems to be something I can't control. How ironic! I like to plan things out, and if anything goes wrong, it completely throws me off, and I'm a wreck. I've had my future planned for a few years now. I know exactly what I want to be, where I want to go to school, where I'll live, how many kids I want, etc. It's kind of sick how many little details I have planned out. I was talking to my mom about San Diego today, and what we're going to do there. I was asking a ton of questions, and she said, "Syd, can't we just plan as we go?" That's when it hit me. I am always trying to get things planned so that everything will be perfect, and it will never lack excitement.
As I was getting ready today, a song by BarlowGirl came on shuffle, and it was a song titled "Surrender." The lyrics relate perfectly to what I've been feeling lately. Here they are:

My hands hold safly to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen
So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart showing who I am
Now you're asking me to show
What I'm holding oh so tightly
Can't open my hands, can't let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can't you let me go?

Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me.
My dreams are me.

You say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life
Told me the world had yet to see
What you can do with one
That's committed to Your calling
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?

I pray constantly that God will take everything into His hands and deal with them the way He wants to, not how I want them to happen. Kind of silly if I'm not going to let go of things, huh? I now understand that in order to fulfill a life that is wonderful, a life that God calls me to live, I need to give up everything, even the little dreams for my future. I need to free myself from these chains I've created. I need to let God take over so I can stop worrying, and live a little!